I am trying to be a better person this year by reading. I am currently reading Dare to Lead by Brene Brown and thought some of you might like to hear a little bit about this popular leadership book.
I just finished the first section today and instead of waiting until I am done reading the book, I thought I would review by section.
Although I have a graduate certificate in leadership and I have worked in leadership positions for most of my career, I always relate leadership skills back to parenting. I believe that is where you are most needed as a leader and where make the most difference in someone else's life. A parent's perspective is the one that I will be reviewing this book from. So be warned!
Brene "defines(s) a leader as anyone who takes responsibility for finding the potential in people and processes, and who has the courage to develop that potential." See? Parenting! She concludes this paragraph with this statement, "we desperately need more leaders who are committed to courageous, wholehearted leadership and who are self-aware enough to lead from their hearts, rather than unevolved leaders who lead from hurt and fear." Yes, absolutely!
Second one is titled, Courage is Contagious. She says that vulnerability is "the emotion we experience during times of uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure." As I read through this section, it was clear to me that what I identify as anxiety is what she identifies as vulnerability. Some examples of vulnerability she lists are a first date after divorce, starting a new business, apologizing to a colleague about how I spoke to him in a meeting, waiting for a doctor to call back, giving feedback, and firing someone. I think we can all relate to these types of experiences, I know I can and many of them have given me anxiety. She mentions that these experiences can cause us anxiety, but to me, it is the whole point. Just normal feelings that we can work through. In fact, she says that pretending we don't have vulnerability or aren't willing to experience it means "letting fear drive our thinking and behavior without our input or even awareness, which almost always leads to acting out or shutting down." I love that! In other words, we can work through this stuff and these feelings. In fact, we have to to be able to really live in our lives. And we can teach our kids how to work through these feelings too, that it is okay to feel and confront those feelings.
Another highlight in this section was a brief discussion on psychological safety, which is really a state of a culture that allows people to make mistakes and not be penalized for those mistakes. It could be not being teased or ridiculed or humiliated. It also lets people ask for help without those same responses. It produces confident in the members of the group to give feedback and suggest solutions. Some things that get in the way include judgment, unsolicited advice giving, and interrupting. Instead focus on listening, staying curious, being honest, and keeping confidence. The leaders of the group can be honest about struggles, but can still remain calm and let members ask questions.
In conclusion of this section, Brene sums it up with "adaptability to change, hard conversations, feedback, problem solving, ethical decision making, recognition, resilience, and all of the other skills that underpin daring leadership are born of vulnerability."
Parents: Be vulnerable with your kids. They don't need you to be perfect, but they do need you to show them to navigate difficult situations and be gentle when they make mistakes. Make sure they feel safe with you to have those difficult conversations, and start young. It doesn't get any easier as they get older.
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